Filth by Irvine Welsh

Author:Irvine Welsh [Welsh, Irvine]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: General, Fiction, Mystery & Detective, Police Procedural
ISBN: 9781407018485
Google: 8juCWpF6wroC
Amazon: 0393318680
Publisher: Random House
Published: 1998-09-17T06:00:00+00:00

Post-Holiday Blues

My first day back after a holiday and that cunt Toal calls me into his office. There’s something different about that spastic, and it takes me a second to realise what it is. Then I see it: he’s dispensed with the Brylcreem and blow-dried his hair, back-combing it. A new Toal! A media-friendly, softer, slicker, more youthful trendy image for the modern law enforcement officer in a democracy. He looks like a fucking simpering poof, self-conscious and effete. That barnet will take some getting used to. Oh no you don’t Sister Toal. Same fuckin rules!

– In your absence Amanda Drummond’s been taking the leading role in the investigation. I’ve decided, after a great deal of deliberation, that I want this state of affairs to continue.

I feel my holiday euphoria evaporate in the face of the heat from Toal’s bombshell. My response is unformed and undignified. – A silly wee . . . I stammer.

– I expect you to give her full co-operation. Bruce, since you’ve been away the media have got interested again. The Forum’s been making a lot of noises. It seems that you’ve been a bit lax on the community relations side. It’s exactly that area that Amanda’s strong in. It’s horses for courses Bruce, Toal nods semi-apologetically. – You’ll have to go with me on this just now, he snaps truculently, as I feel the words Listen Brother Toal dry in my throat.

I can only stand there like a fag-hag outside the bogs of some nancy-boy meatpacking disco just before last orders as Toal picks up the phone. – Amanda, Bruce’s back. Can you come up here and brief him on what’s been happening?

He puts the phone down.

– Look, eh, Gus Bain has filled me in . . . I start. I just want to go. I need to take stock before I can face that gloating dyke Drummond.

– Gus isn’t on the ball Bruce, he’s going nowhere, Toal says impatiently.

That makes me feel good as I had Gus marked down as almost a serious rival in the promo stakes. It’s out of order though, Toal badmouthing the auld cunt like that.

Good news for me but. I’m feeling a bit more up as Drumsticks comes in and gives me a look of distaste and it makes me feel even more comfortable that she evidently hates doing this as much as I do. – Hi Mandy, I smile.

– Did you have a good holiday Bruce? she asks with a forced civility for Toal’s sake.

– Not bad at all.

– Holland, wasn’t it?

– Yes. It’s a regular jaunt. A very civilised country.

– The landscape’s a bit flat though, isn’t it? Toal interjects.

– I like it, I shrug, – it provides an interesting contrast with Scotland’s more rugged terrain.

– What is there to do there? Drummond probes. She wants me to say ‘hoors and drugs’ in front of Toal.

– It’s a very relaxing place. You can sit in a café and just watch the world go by with a nice coffee, I shudder slightly as the hangover kicks in.

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